


very bad communication

by phantasior



Category: Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Gen, Humor, MENTIONS OF OTHER GROUPS, just sj being stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-06-18 10:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15483399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasior/pseuds/phantasior
Summary: east sea: :0 what’s this for?teukie teukie leeteuk: a group chatteukie teukie leeteuk: because we’re a GROUP and we must COMMUNICATEteukie teukie leeteuk: for example, from now on anyone who comes late to practice or filming will be slandered through this chat until they break down(or just a chat fic.)(i know there's already one for suju but i wanted a canon one that was less serious :'D)





	1. rules are rules

**Author's Note:**

> pls be nice

[ **teukie teukie leeteuk** has created **the last men standing** ]

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** hi

 

 **anchovy:** what is this

 

 **anchovy:** DID YOU SET THESE NAMES STOPIGJK

 

 **east sea:** :0 what’s this for?

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** a group chat

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** because we’re a GROUP and we must COMMUNICATE

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** for example, from now on anyone who comes late to practice or filming will be slandered through this chat until they break down

 

 **horse:** that’s harsh.

 

 **horse:** oh jesus my name

 

 **evil maknae:** i like this name

 

 **shindong:** am i the only one with my actual name fuck you teuk

 

 **rye bread:** what is goING ON MY PHONE JUST BLEW UP WITH NOTIFS

 

 **sungmin:** hi :D

 

 **drunk driver:** uh

 

 **drunk driver:** WHY IS THIS MY NAME I’M LAEVI8GN

 

[  **drunk driver** has left the chat ]

 

[  **teukie teukie leeteuk** has added **drunk driver** to the chat ]

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** don’t LEAVE kangin this is IMPORTANT

 

 **cinderella:** y’all what the fuck it’s literally 3 am

 

 **yessex:** ijsru wok eup what’s hapepng

 

 **yessex:** shir

 

 **yessex:** i canrnot keep my euyes open good gnigjt nvm youf uygs suck

 

 **anchovy:** that’s what you get for never sleeping

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** we have to establish rules here. no cursing or you have to put a coin in the CURSE JAR. it’s not like i can tell if you actually do it through my phone but i trust you all to keep your own jars anyway

 

 **yessex:** sjut teh FUCK up eudfhyuk

 

 **yessex:** oh.

 

 **yessex:** you realrfy think we ca’rnt cursrte

 

 **evil maknae:** this is yesung we’re talking about you know

 

 **yessex:** i donr’ need uour help you abnstard

 

 **evil maknae:** ok

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** that’s 2 coins in the jar for you yesung. please do not violate the rule again! we have to be friendly!!!!!

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** rule #2 please do not spam the chat

 

 **rye bread:** dskjfhgdksdfh

 

 **evil maknae:** dfkj

 

 **evil maknae:** s

 

 **evil maknae:** sdsow

 

 **shindong:** jdjcndsmdnfmnfmd

 

 **shindong:** sdjkfhkshfdkshger

 

 **east sea:** guys stop it

 

 **rye bread:** asdjsjks

 

 **rye bread:** d

 

 **yessex:** 666

 

 **yessex:** wj

 

 **cinderella:** dkj

 

 **cinderella:** s

 

 **cinderella:** sdoi

 

 **sungmin:** c’mon don’t be mean to leeteuk :/

 

 **drunk driver:** siduhfjgrtje

 

 **drunk driver:** rfj

 

 **anchovy:** ds

 

 **horse:** a

 

 **horse:** asd

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** guys STOP IT I WILL BLCOK YOU ALL

 

 **yessex:** maybe that’s for the best.

 

 **cinderella:** yeah i’m sleepy you fucker

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** jar, heechul.

 

 **cinderella:** ok

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** rule #3, your name can’t be changed more than thrice a day whether it’s someone else or you who changed the name

 

 **drunk driver:** WAIT WE CAN CHANGE THE NAMESN FUCK YEAH

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** JAR, KANGIN

 

[  **drunk driver** has changed their name to **kangin** ]

 

[  **cinderella** has changed **kangin** ’s name to **drunk driver** ]

 

[  **evil maknae** has changed **drunk driver**  ’s name to **drunk driver!** ]

 

 **drunk driver!:** are you kidding me

 

 **evil maknae:** sorry i had to change it so all 3 changes would be used and you wouldn’t be able to do anything abt it

 

 **cinderella:** come back when you don’t have TWO DUIS, KANGIN

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** guys you have to pay attention to me :(

 

 **sungmin:** after bonding with kangin on intimate note all those years ago i can safely say he does not deserve this bullying. leeteuk is he allowed a fourth chance to change his name

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** no bending the rules sungmin ily

 

 **drunk driver!:** MOTHERFUCKER

 

 **cinderella:** (leeteuk voice) JAR, KANGIN!11!!1

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** JAR, KANGIN

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** i

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** … ok anyway

 

 **anchovy:** i got it. rule #4. we are allowed to bully each other. nobody is exempt. if you try to break this rule or advocate for its removal you are a weakling and belong in exo

 

 **east sea:** why exo i’m

 

 **anchovy:** ’cause they’re kids

 

 **horse:** well there are people in this group chat who are short enough to be a kid anyway

 

 **rye bread:** rule #5. do not bring up height ever

 

 **cinderella:** and we have a literal kid

 

 **evil maknae:** rule #6. do not bring up age ever

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** GUYS :(((((

 

 **shindong:** ok srsly guys let’s pay attention to him

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** thank you shindong

 

 **shindong:** uwu

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** i am leaving out you guys’ rules #5 and #6 but thank you for the contributions. now, rule #5, don’t ever leave the group chat

 

[  **drunk driver!** has left the chat ]

 

[  **rye bread** has left the chat ]

 

[  **cinderella** has left the chat ]

 

[  **yessex** has left the chat ]

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** oh my GOD

 

[  **evil maknae** has left the chat ]

 

[  **anchovy** has left the chat ]

 

[  **horse** has left the chat ]

 

 **east sea:** ok i’m sorry but i can’t stop laughinfg

 

 **sungmin:** srsly are we the only loyal ones here

 

 **shindong:** yes you are.

 

[  **shindong** has left the chat ]

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** LKSDFJGHDKLFJGHKEDJFIHGUJEKOWFJD

 

 **east sea:** it’s ok i got ur back

 

[  **east sea** has added **drunk driver!** , **rye bread** , **cinderella** , **yessex** , **evil maknae** , **anchovy** , **horse** , and **shindong** to the chat ]

 

 **shindong:** sorry

 

 **horse:** ok go on leeteuk

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** if you guys pull this stuff one more time i will actually lose it

 

 **cinderella:** yeah, like we haven’t seen you totally lose it before

 

 **horse:** (cue in a flashback to the incheon fight)

 

 **anchovy:** (cue in a flashback to the one time leeteuk LITERALLY choked me)

 

 **rye bread:** ok y’know what guys let’s not be mean for once,,, let’s let him finish listing out the rules and then we can mess around because if we continue this now we’re not gonna get any goddamn sleep tonight

 

 **yessex:** good poinr i really wrealluy want to hget back in bed

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** thank you for that ryeowook but also, jar

 

 **rye bread:** are you kidding me all i said was goddamn

 

 **cinderella:** ok leeteuk we promise we will not mess around for the rest of this orientation you have my word

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** i only have one rule left so can you guys just calm down for that one and then you can go crazy or whatever :( please

 

 **east sea:** yes we promise

 

 **evil maknae:** fine yes

 

 **yessex:** promisrjhe yes

 

 **anchovy:** ok

 

 **horse:** yes

 

 **shindong:** ye

 

 **sungmin:** i promise

 

 **rye bread:** me too

 

 **drunk driver!:** we promise, buddy

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** okay thank you all

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** rule #6, please no vulgarity, okay? we have enough of that irl i don’t want people seeing that on my phone by accident

 

 **drunk driver!:** OHHHH LEETEUK KEEP GOING

 

 **shindong:** SURE LOVE DEEP DICKING AN ICE COLD BEER BOTTLE

 

 **cinderella:** (sechskies voice) THE FUCKING DICK IS IN YOUR PUSSY

 

 **yessex:** MY NAME IS LITERALLY VULGAR, LEETEUK, YOU WANNA GO

 

 **horse:** nothing like a good Bible Discussion Study Meeting! *i spank kyuhyun*

 

 **evil maknae:** A-AH, HARDER, SIWON

  
**teukie teukie leeteuk:** I LITERALLY HATE ALL OF YOU


	2. in the beginning god created the heavens and the earth

**(4:13 pm.) the last men standing**

 

 **anchovy:** y’know this is kind of a lame chat name

 

[  **anchovy** has changed the chat name to **old men** ]

 

 **cinderella:** ey yo buddy you know we can’t do that with kyuhyun in the chat

 

[  **cinderella** has changed the chat name to **all hail heechul** ]

 

 **anchovy:** suuure, heechul

 

 **cinderella:** are we the only ones online

 

 **yessex:** helrlo

 

 **cinderella:** why do you still have typos will you wake up already it’s 4 fucking pm

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** JAR

 

 **cinderella:** WHERE DI DYOU COME FROM

 

 **yessex:** it’s bc i gor no slepe alst night don’t bully me

 

 **anchovy:** yesung. rule #4. bullying is allowed.

 

 **cinderella:** yeah yesung rule #4 you wanna go to exo huh

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** real talk tho yesung you never get sleep either way

 

 **yessex:** touche but shthut up leeteuk honesrly who askeld any of ydou?? i’mg onna go eat ramyeon nbye??????

 

 **anchovy:** make some for me

 

 **yessex:** no

 

 **anchovy:** thanks buddy

 

 **east sea:** come over hyuk we can have ramyeon together instead

 

 **anchovy:** i would literally die for you donghae

 

 **cinderella:** ew guys get a room

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** well now that they left it’s just us

 

 **cinderella:** ew leeteuk get a room

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** .

 

 **evil maknae:** hi

 

 **cinderella:** omg kyuhyun don’t ruin the moment

 

 **evil maknae:** kys

 

 **evil maknae:** anyone wanna drink fuckn wine with me

 

 **cinderella:** no

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** no because you just cursed

 

 **evil maknae:** -___-

 

 **evil maknae:** it’s ok i’ll just have it by myself and watch titanic for the 11th time

 

 **cinderella:** haha loser

 

 **drunk driver!:** what up guys

 

 **shindong:** hi

 

 **sungmin:** good afternoon :D

 

 **rye bread:** jesus my phone’s exploding again what are y’all doing

 

 **cinderella:** WHOA everyone’s flowing in

 

 **evil maknae:** the only one we haven’t seen today is siwon wonder what he’s doing

 

 **drunk driver!:** probably reading the bible

 

 **shindong:** he’s having a bible discussion study meeting

 

 **sungmin:** y’all

 

 **evil maknae:** well if he’s the only one not around i think it’s safe to say we can talk behind his back

 

 **rye bread:** oH YES PLEASE

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** GUYS NO BE GOOD

 

 **yessex:** just came back what’s happening

 

 **shindong:** teuk rule #4 says we’re allowed to bully each other

 

 **drunk driver!:** hi yesung! we’re talking shit about siwon

 

 **drunk driver!:** oh fuck i just cursed

 

 **drunk driver!:** shit i just did it again

 

 **drunk driver!:** oh my god

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** ...

 

 **drunk driver!:** ok anyway we’re talkinng abt siwon

 

 **yessex:** NICE

 

 **cinderella:** sounds juicy, i’ll start. honestly don’t know why he’s an idol when he’s always so busy filming his dramas

 

 **drunk driver!:** super junior choi siwon who i only know actor choi siwon

 

 **yessex:** when was the last time he came on a variety show with us

 

 **shindong:** good point i feel like every time we’re on a variety show it’s the same thing “where’s siwon?” “oh y’know… filming a drama”

 

 **cinderella:** SEE

 

 **cinderella:** we don’t need no visual i do a damn good job of being one myself

 

 **rye bread:** forget that. he’s annoying

 

 **evil maknae:** uh-oh ryeowook’s gonna go OFF

 

 **rye bread:** i’ve already complained abt this before but HIS HIGH-FIVING!!! OUT OF CONTROL!!!! ONE DAY HE’S GONNA PICK HIS MF NOSE AND STILL THINK I’M GONNA SLAP THAT HAND OF HIS

 

 **rye bread:** hE ACTS LIKE WE’RE BEST FRIENDS TOO I HONESTLY DON’T EVNE KNOW HIM

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** RYEOWOOK PLS STOP YOU’RE GETTING OUT OF CONTROL

 

 **rye bread:** AND HE BULLIES ME ABOUTR MY HIEFJGT ALL THE TIME

 

 **rye bread:** IWAS STANDING RIGTH IN FRONT OF HIM ONCE AND HE JUST LOKOKED STRAUGHT AHEAD AND HE WAS LIKE “I’M CONFUSED WHERE’S RYEOWOOK???” LITERALLY FUCKING DIE

 

 **yessex:** ryeowook honey calm down

 

 **rye bread:** I DON’T WANT TO CALM DOWN

 

 **yessex:** shhhhhhhhh

 

 **cinderella:** ew guys get a room

 

 **drunk driver!:** ryeowook’s problems aside he quotes the bible ALL THE TIME

 

 **evil maknae:** … no he doesn’t

 

 **shindong:** ok for once i don’t agree

 

 **drunk driver!:** NOOO YOU GUYS DON’T GET IT I ONCE JOKINGLY INSULTED SOMEONE AND HE JUST STARTED RECITING SOME VERSE ABT COMPASSION AND I WAS LIKE STOP IT

 

 **yessex:** ehhh i think our fans exaggerate how religious he is? he’s chill honestly

 

 **rye bread:** ya dude even i can’t agree with that

 

 **drunk driver!:** you guys have seen nothing oh my god

 

 **cinderella:** srsly you idiot you ruined the moment he does not do that

 

 **sungmin:** yeah it’s not like he’d have time to memorize the bible anyway

 

 **horse:** HELLO COMRADES

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** where did you come from

 

 **yessex:** OH GOD

 

 **cinderella:** speak of the devil

 

 **horse:** I HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO SHARE

 

 **cinderella:** huh

 

 **evil maknae:** what do you want horse

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** ?

 

 **sungmin:** what is it?

 

 **shindong:** hello

 

 **rye bread:** uh

 

 **drunk driver!:**  ........ it’s been like 7 minutes siwon what did u want to tell us

 

 **horse:** In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day. And God said, “Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water.” So God made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it. And it was so. God called the vault “sky.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day. And God said, “Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear.” And it was so. God called the dry ground “land,” and the gathered waters he called “seas.” And God saw that it was good. Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day. And God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so. God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day. And God said, “Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the vault of the sky.” So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living thing with which the water teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day. And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds:the livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image; in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

 

[  **sungmin** has left the chat ]

 

[  **shindong** has left the chat ]

 

[  **yessex** has left the chat ]

 

[  **cinderella** has left the chat ]

 

[  **rye bread** has left the chat ]

 

 **evil maknae:** jesus fucking christ siwon if you wanted to copy the bible into the chat you could have at least used the king james version you poser

 

[  **evil maknae** has left the chat ]

 

 **drunk driver!:** I TOLD YOU GUYS

 

[  **drunk driver!** has left the chat ]

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** STOP RULE #5 DON’T ELAVE THE CAHT

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** AND KYUHYUN!!! JAR!!!!

 

 **horse:** oh god i meant to copy and paste a meme not that

 

**(10:11 pm.) all hail heechul**

 

 **anchovy:** alright y’all donghae nd i got super nostalgic and now we wanna have dinner with the group so who’s down

 

 **anchovy:**  y’all haven’t had dinner yet right you’re weak if you have it before 10 mf pm lmao

 

 **anchovy:** wait why is literally nobody in the chat anymore

 

 **anchovy:** um

  
**anchovy:** maybe i shouldn’t ask????


	3. (to the tune of the knowing bros theme) where is kyuhyun? where is kyuhyun?

**(7:09 am.) all hail heechul**

 

 **cinderella:** guess what’s today!

 

 **cinderella:** (u hear a drumroll but it’s actually just me banging kyunghoon’s head against a desk repeatedly)

 

 **cinderella:** knowing brothers!!!!

 

 **east sea:** is this the first time all 11 members are going on the show

 

 **cinderella:** yes

 

 **cinderella:** last time we ALMOST had everybody like wayyy back when kyuhyun returned from the military and we had a comeback but u only come on variety shows every 6 yrs so you weren’t there jackass

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** i’m going to bring a jar to the set and make sure you all pay for the curses that have been spewed in this holy chatroom the past few days

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** RULES are RULES

 

 **cinderella:** like you remember who cursed how many times

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** yesung, 2 coins, heechul, 3 coins, kangin, 5 coins, ryeowook, 2 coins, kyuhyun, 1 coin

 

 **cinderella:** .

 

 **cinderella:** ok i’m pretty sure i don’t have THREE

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** be glad you’re not kangin he has five

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** and yes you have three i counted again ok

 

 **drunk driver!:** whY DO I HAVE FIVE

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** because you don’t follow my rules :(

 

 **drunk driver!:** i hate you

 

 **east sea:** i don’t have any uwu

 

 **anchovy:** wow good for you

 

 **yessex:** if i censor a curse word does it still count

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:**  yes obviously

 

 **yessex:** f*ck you t*uk you little b*tch

 

 **anchovy:** WHY DID YOU CENSOR TEUK SDFHJD

 

 **rye bread:** bc he’s cursed

 

 **horse:** because he’s cursed

 

 **horse:** HA JINX WOW WE HAVE A CONNECTION

 

 **rye bread:** ew

 

 **rye bread:** why do i have 2

 

 **drunk driver!:** will you all stop complaining i obviously have it worst here

 

 **sungmin:** well you didn’t follow the rules

 

 **shindong:** ^

 

 **yessex:** what a bunch of goody two-shoes

 

 **yessex:** kyuhyun once told me ur not as innocent as the fans think and he’s right. ur gonna have to curse someday. it’ll just all come out

 

 **cinderella:** speaking of which, where is kyuhyun? we have to get going for the filming soon smh

 

 **rye bread:** probably somewhere disappointing humanity

 

 **yessex:** since all of us are here except for kyuhyun let’s shittalk him

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** now it’s five coins yesung  >:(

 

 **rye bread:** oh this again

 

 **shindong:** you know…. leeteuk, eunhyuk, and i were supposed to talk smack abt him on SNL in 2012 but he was the only one who got scot-free because he “pissed himself”

 

 **yessex:** SEE

 

 **sungmin:** pls

 

 **cinderella:** sounds fun i’ll start. radio star has turned him into a monster

 

 **anchovy:** IT HAS

 

 **anchovy:** anyone who hangs around kim gura for too long automatically becomes a jerk

 

 **rye bread:** let’s be real kyuhyun was always witty but it used to be all the innocent and cute kind of witty

 

 **yessex:** U RIGHT then he went on radio star and now all he does is slander people

 

 **east sea:** isn’t that shindong’s fault… he’s the one who made the character for him in the first place

 

 **shindong:** THIS ISN’T ABT ME

 

 **sungmin:** uuuuhhhhh

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** u guys r so uncivilized

 

 **cinderella:** come on, leeteuk… after all these years… you still don’t want to get back on him for the way he talked abt you on SNL…

 

 **cinderella:** YOU WERE IN THE SKIT…… THIS IS IMPORTANT TO YOU…

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** i did him dirty when he first joined the team i can’t be like that again pls

 

 **rye bread:** LEETEUK! LEETEUK! LEETEUK!

 

 **drunk driver!:** COME ON IT’S NOW OR NEVER

 

 **yessex:** THIS IS THE ONLY CHANCE YOU’LL GET IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE

 

 **anchovy:** YOU’RE SO OLD YOU’RE GOING TO DIE SOON DO YOU REALLY WANT TO DIE KNOWING YOU’LL NEVER HAVE GOTTEN BACK AT THAT MAKNAE

 

 **shindong:** gO GO GO

 

 **horse:** DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** LOOK HE’S A BITCH WE BEEN KNEW HE THINKS HE CAN GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING JUST BECAUSE HE’S THE YOUNGEST HE SAYS HE FEELS SORRY WHEN HE INSULTS PEOPLE BUT HE REALLY ISN’T HE ALWAYS LAUGHS FROM AFAR WHEN WE GET INTO DRAMA INSTEAD OF DOING SHIT ABOUT IT NO FUCKING SHIT GUYS

 

 **sungmin:** oh my god

 

 **drunk driver!:** jesus he snapped

 

 **cinderella:** look what you’ve done! you’ve gotten four coins to put in the jar now

 

 **anchovy:** wow leeteuk why would you say all that :/

 

 **rye bread:** jeez we were just playing around and you just go off like that… what kind of leader are you…

 

 **yessex:** we believed in you…

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** YOU MADE ME DO THIS

 

 **east sea:** ily teuk

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** i DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING FROM YOU

 

 **[ cinderella** has changed the chat name to **leeteuk isn’t as innocent as you think ]**

 

 **horse:** oh, don’t joke around. nobody thought he was innocent

 

 **rye bread:** ASJDKFSKF

 

**(8:05 pm.) leeteuk isn’t as innocent as you think**

 

 **cinderella:** we goin to knowing brothers boys!

 

 **cinderella:** where are y’all i’m on my way uwu

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** we’re in 2 cars i’m w donghae, sungmin, and eunhyuk, and shindong

 

 **yessex:** hi i’m in the car with ryeowook, siwon, and kangin

 

 **cinderella:** chill

 

 **cinderella:** y’all are on the road right bc otherwise you’ll be late

 

 **drunk driver!:** duh

 

 **sungmin:** wait yesung what who’s in your car again

 

 **yessex:** … ryeowook, siwon, and kangin… can’t u scroll

 

 **yessex:** ryeowook and siwon r sitting so far from each other i’m crying

 

 **horse:** i wanted to sit next to him :(

 

 **rye bread:** if he sat next to me i would have choked him

 

 **sungmin:** guys….

 

 **anchovy:** LMAOOO DID Y’ALL RLLY FORGET KYUHYUN

 

 **yessex:** WHAT

 

 **drunk driver!:** SHIT

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** JAR OMG

 

 **east sea:** we talked so much abt him an hour ago pls tell me u guys r joking

 

 **yessex:** LET’S BE FAIR DO ANY OF US EVEN KNOW WHERE HE IS

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** ok yeah he hasn’t been around all morning but guys,,,

 

 **anchovy:** fine i did call him earlier to ask him smth but he never answered

 

 **cinderella:** guys what the hell this is an important episode it’s the first time ALL of us are gonna be on my show and you guys forget… a member…

 

 **horse:** this says so much abt us as a group i’m cryign

 

 **shindong:** well let’s uuuhhhh call him and tell him to get on his way?? um????? i don’t think we have time to go back for him

 

 **yessex:** he’s still gonna be late but ok

 

 **cinderella:** whether he makes it or not at least y’all will have another story to tell during the show smh

 

 **sungmin:** i’m so… disappointed

 

 **anchovy:** shut up sungmin

 

 **sungmin:** ok

 

 **shindong:** ok he’s not answering the phone

 

 **east sea:** is he dead omg

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** WHAT IF HE’S GETTING A DUI LIKE KANGIN

 

 **rye bread:** that doesn’t even make any sense he doesn’t get drunk that easily

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** NEITHER DOES KANGIN

 

 **rye bread:** yeah but he isn’t fucking stupid

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** RYEOWOOK, J A R

 

 **rye bread:** STOP SCREAMING

 

 **sungmin:** he’s literally screaming in the car be glad y’all aren’t here

 

 **cinderella:** it ain’t anything new buddy

 

 **shindong:** i just called him like 4 times and he didn’t answer

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** y’all it’s because we talked abt him earlier

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** this is all our fault GOD IS TRYING TO SHOW US WHAT WE DID WRONG

 

 **anchovy:** uhhhh speak for yourself :/ you’re the only one who really trashed him

 

 **yessex:** yeah leeteuk we hardly even said anything

 

 **rye bread:** i even complimented him by saying he was cute before radio star c’mon ://

 

 **drunk driver!:** welp! guess he’s missing out on the show haha let’s go

 

 **horse:** i’m kinda sad this was supposed to be special

 

 **sungmin:** same

 

 **rye bread:** me3

 

 **drunk driver!:** wHATever guys our group has always been like this it’ll be ages before we actually manage to get every single member on a program

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** but where is he…

 

 **shindong:** it’s weird bc we’ve been spamming the chat all morning?? how is he not noticing all the notifs??? did he sleep in or smth

 

 **yessex:** maybe he put his phone on vibrate

 

 **cinderella:** vibrate mode is for masturbators you weirdo he would’ve put it on silent

 

 **horse:** WHO MASTURBATES WHEN PEOPLE CALL THEM DKFJHDJFHG

 

 **anchovy:** OH MY GOD

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** STOP WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT VULGARITY

 

 **east sea:** maybe he did sleep in?? i mean nobody likes to wake up at 8 am

 

 **yessex:** he usually wakes up early tho

 

 **yessex:** or is it that he sleeps late i don’t remember

 

 **rye bread:** no he stays up super late like you smh

 

 **horse:** well then it’d make sense if he was asleep

 

 **drunk driver!:** idk didn’t he know we were gonna go on tv today tho??? wouldn’t he have remembered to get up

 

 **east sea:** how would he remember to get up in the middle of his sleep

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** …

 

 **cinderella:** it’s called an alarm you idiot

 

 **sungmin:** we’re almost at the set sjdhsjdh idk if this is gonna work out,,,

 

 **horse:** man this is the biggest mystery of the day WHERE is he

 

 **evil maknae:** jesus what’s going on

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** KYUHYUN

 

 **sungmin:** OH MY GOD

 

 **horse:** KYU WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **yessex:** WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOU IDIOT YOU’RE SO LATE

 

 **evil maknae:** ??? what’s happening am i supposed to be somewhere

 

 **anchovy:** BUDDY..

 

 **horse:** ryeowook just gave his phone the most disgusted look ever i’m peeing

 

 **cinderella:** WE’RE AT THE KNOWING BROTHERS SET YOU IDIOT

 

 **evil maknae:** WHY ARE YOU GUYS AT KNOWING BROTHERS

 

 **drunk driver!:** BECAUSE WE HAVE AN EPISODE TO FILM TODAY??? DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD OR SOMETHING

 

 **evil maknae:** NOBODY TOLD ME

 

 **east sea:** I’M PRETTY SURE WE DID

 

 **evil maknae:** THIS IS BULL I’M A MESS I CAN’T GO NOW WTF

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** W H E R E HAVE YOU BEEN WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU FOR THE PAST HOUR

 

 **evil maknae:** i’m going to kill myself

 

 **shindong:** yeah i called you like 7 times where were you???

 

 **sungmin:** ye and we’ve been texting for awhile now…

 

 **rye bread:** were you asleep hello

 

 **drunk driver!:** hello kyuhyun why aren’t you responding

 

 **yessex:** ,,,,,

 

 **anchovy:** ok 6 minutes have passed kyuhyun wyd tell us what you were DOING

 

 **evil maknae:** i was playing starcraft,

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** YOU

 

 **sungmin:** YOU’VE BEEN AWAKE THIS WHOLE TIME

 

 **cinderella:** AND YOU WERE PLAYING S T A R C R A F T

 

 **evil maknae:** I HAVEN’T PLAYED IN A WHILE LEAVE ME ALONE

 

 **horse:** I’M LEAVIGN SUPER JUNIOR

 

 **rye bread:** I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE DISAPPOINTED

 

 **evil maknae:** LET A GAMER LIVE OMG

 

 **cinderella:** don’t even bother coming to our set you’re not worthy

 

 **evil maknae:** oh, no, i’m coming. i’ll be late, but WATCH OUT

 

[ **evil maknae** has changed the chat name to **BEWARE OF CHO KYUHYUN** ]

 

[ **evil maknae** has changed their name to **the devil himself** ]

 

 **the devil himself:** i have good stories to tell on this show and i will not miss my chance

 

 **drunk driver!:** like what huh

 

 **the devil himself:** like y’all talking behind my back in the chatroom an hour ago.

 

 **yessex:** .

 

 **east sea:** oh

  
**teukie teukie leeteuk:** NO PLS


	4. bad boy - red velvet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> srry for the late update i ran outta ideas (already) and school started so i am busy. i hope this is Ok tho  
> comments r Good motivation btw ovo

**(5:04 am.) BEWARE OF CHO KYUHYUN**

 

 **cinderella:** what if i just straight up changed everybody’s names everyone would be so confused

 

 **cinderella:** yo is anyone online

 

 **cinderella:** HEY KYUHYUN I SEE YOU

 

 **cinderella:** LEETEUK DON’T BE A CREEP AND COME OUT

 

 **cinderella:** SUNGMIN IF YOU DON’T REVEAL YOURSELF I’LL START TALKING TRASH ABOUT SAEUN

 

 **cinderella:** KANGIN IF YOU’RE THERE COME OUT NOW OR ELSE I’M MAKING EVERYONE THINK YOU HAVE A 3RD DUI

 

 **cinderella:** yeah ok i don’t think anybody’s here lmao

 

 **cinderella:** man i have so much dirt on you guys this is gonna be great

 

[ **cinderella** has changed **teukie teukie leeteuk** ’s name to **sword art online fan** ]

 

[ **cinderella** has changed **drunk driver!** ’s name to **once jacked off to snsd mvs** ]

 

[ **cinderella** has changed **anchovy** ’s name to **the porn stash on my computer is titled ‘Illegal TV Show Downloads’** ]

 

[ **cinderella** has changed **east sea** ’s name to **virgin** ]

 

[ **cinderella** has changed **sungmin** ’s name to **still wears shoelifts to bed** ]

 

[ **cinderella** has changed **horse** ’s name to **i once had a wet dream abt eunsihae** ]

 

[ **cinderella** has changed **yessex** ’s name to **i’m the one who stole your underwear all those years ago leeteuk i’m so sorry** ]

 

[ **cinderella** has changed **rye bread** ’s name to **i’m 4’11** ]

 

[ **cinderella** has changed **the devil himself** ’s name to **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan** ]

 

[ **cinderella** has changed **shindong** ’s name to **lost track of how many times i’ve clogged the dorm toilets and blamed it on kangin** ]

 

[ **cinderella** has changed their name to **The Mastermind** ]

 

[ **cinderella** has changed the chat name to **red velvet voice who that who that who that boy** ]

 

 **The Mastermind:** HAHAHAHA this’ll be hilarious

 

 **The Mastermind:** oh god i’m the only one here and i’m already confused

 

 **The Mastermind:** jesus christ my eyes

 

 **The Mastermind:** oh wait

 

 **The Mastermind:** i’m gonna have to change them to the original names and then back to what i want them to be so all 3 changes of the day are used up and they’re not allowed to change them back

 

 **The Mastermind:** ok this’ll take a minute…

 

**(12:01 pm.) red velvet voice who that who that who that boy**

 

 **once jacked off to snsd mvs:** yo

 

 **once jacked off to snsd mvs:** OH MY GOD

 

 **once jacked off to snsd mvs:** WHO DID TJHISHFVJNM HOLD ON LET ME CHANGE IT

 

 **once jacked off to snsd mvs:** it won’t let me change it wtf

 

 **i’m 4’11:** … who r u

 

 **once jacked off to snsd mvs:** …

 

 **once jacked off to snsd mvs:** gee, i dunno! i don’t think any of the members of this group have jacked off to ANY mvs except our own, yeah?

 

 **i’m 4’11:** uh

 

 **i’m 4’11:** i dunno man i mean there’s heechul

 

 **once jacked off to snsd mvs:** GEE, I DUNNO, HAVE YOU S E E N HIM DO IT

 

 **i’m 4’11:** ARE YOU OK

 

 **The Mastermind:** :)

 

 **once jacked off to snsd mvs:** who r u did u do this…

 

 **The Mastermind:** Gee, gee, gee, gee, gee! I can tell you I do NOTHING but cry when I watch SNSD MVs.

 

 **i’m 4’11:** heechul why are you typing like that

 

 **The Mastermind:** :)

 

 **i’m 4’11:** and why don’t we have a passive aggressive smiley jar im leaving

 

**(2:50 pm.) red velvet voice who that who that who that boy**

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** HEECHUL I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A SECRET BETWEEN US

 

 **i once had a wet dream abt eunsihae:** why did heechul do this

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** oh god yours is even worse

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** let me guess…. eunhyuk

 

 **i once had a wet dream abt eunsihae:** oh my God don’t expose me like this

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** … so you’re siwon

 

 **i once had a wet dream abt eunsihae:** whaaat why would you think that

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** EUNHYUK WOULD NEVER ADMIT IT’S HIM

 

 **i once had a wet dream abt eunsihae:** YOU DON’T KNOW THAT

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO BOTHERS CAPITALIZING THE WORD ‘GOD’ TOO KYS

 

 **i once had a wet dream abt eunsihae:** i’m gonna copy all of genesis into the chat again.

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** -________-

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** fine by me as long as you use the king james version this time

 

 **i once had a wet dream abt eunsihae:**  OH SO YOU’RE KYUHYUN

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** WAIT NO

 

 **i once had a wet dream abt eunsihae:** i CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’VE CONSIDERED HOOKING UP WITH A FAN THAT IS HORRIFYING

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** LISTEN

 

 **The Mastermind:** :)

 

 **i once had a wet dream abt eunsihae:** uh

 

**(3:04 pm.) red velvet voice who that who that who that boy**

 

 **still wears shoelifts to bed:** ………….

 

 **i’m the one who stole your underwear all those years ago leeteuk i’m so sorry:** I’M GONNA CRY

 

 **sword art online fan:** WHAT WHO ARE YOU I’VE BEEN WANTING TO FIND OUT WHO STOLE THAT FOR YEARS

 

 **i’m the one who stole your underwear all those years ago leeteuk i’m so sorry:** LEETEUK?? YOU LIKE SAO WHA??? WHAT

 

 **still wears shoelifts to bed:** oh my god why are y’all yelling

 

 **i’m the one who stole your underwear all those years ago leeteuk i’m so sorry:** IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TEUK?? YOU WANT TO MARRY A HOT GIRL AFTER ONLY 8 EPISODES OF KNOWING HER?????

 

 **sword art online fan:** TELL ME WHO YOU ARE I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS

 

 **i’m the one who stole your underwear all those years ago leeteuk i’m so sorry:** YOU FUCKING LIKE THAT GARBAGE YOU DON’T DESERVE AN ANSWER FROM ME

 

 **still wears shoelifts to bed:** ,,, jar

 

 **i’m the one who stole your underwear all those years ago leeteuk i’m so sorry:** SHUT UP SUNGMIN

 

 **still wears shoelifts to bed:** WHO SAID I’M SUNGMINGFJKDS

 

 **sword art online fan:** DON’T GET IN OUR WAY SUNGMIN WE’RE DEALING WITH THIS LIKE MEN

 

 **still wears shoelifts to bed:** YOU GUYS ARE ON CRACK THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE DOING

 

 **The Mastermind:** :)

 

 **still wears shoelifts to bed:** i’m ashamed to be in the same group as you sometimes, heechul.

 

 **The Mastermind:** It is an honor, Lee Sungmin.

 

 **sword art online fan:** what is goignfm ON

 

**(3:59 pm.) red velvet voice who that who that who that boy**

 

 **the porn stash on my computer is titled ‘Illegal TV Show Downloads’:** HEECHUL ARE YOU KIDDING ME I TRUSTED YOU WITH THAT FOLDER FOR A REASON

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan before:** oh, so THAT’S eunhyuk

 

 **the porn stash on my computer is titled ‘Illegal TV Show Downloads’:** SHUT UP KYUHYUN AT LEAST I DON’T POST NAKED PICS FOR ALL MY FANS TO SEE

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** THAT WAS AN _ACCIDENT_

 

[ **the porn stash on my computer is titled ‘Illegal TV Show Downloads’** has attached an image ]

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** why do you have the photo saved you monster i’m going to kill you

 

 **The Mastermind:** :)

 

 **the porn stash on my computer is titled ‘Illegal TV Show Downloads’:** heechul you no longer have permission to look thru my computer

 

 **The Mastermind:** Fine by me, Lee Hyukjae.

 

 **the porn stash on my computer is titled ‘Illegal TV Show Downloads’:** please do not call me that.

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** (someone in the crowd heckles like that one scene in The Big Six because suddenly you’re a comedian)

 

 **the porn stash on my computer is titled ‘Illegal TV Show Downloads’:** THAT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY WHO’S EVEN SEEN THAT MOVIE

 

**(4:39 pm.) red velvet voice who that who that who that boy**

 

 **lost track of how many times i’ve clogged the dorm toilets and blamed it on kangin:** srsly

 

 **i’m the one who stole your underwear all those years ago leeteuk i’m so sorry:** heechul has No Mercy with these names huh

 

 **i’m 4’11:** who could u possibly be but shindong

 

 **lost track of how many times i’ve clogged the dorm toilets and blamed it on kangin:** WOW did you figure that one out ALL BY YOURSELF

 

 **i’m the one who stole your underwear all those years ago leeteuk i’m so sorry:** nobody knows who i am and that is great :D

 

 **i’m 4’11:** geez teuk’s gonna maim you once you’re out tho

 

 **virgin:** i think mine is the worst,,,,

 

 **i’m the one who stole your underwear all those years ago leeteuk i’m so sorry:** SJKDADLJFH OH MY GOD

 

 **lost track of how many times i’ve clogged the dorm toilets and blamed it on kangin:** WE’RE A GROUP OF 30 YR OLDS DO WE RLLY HAVE A VIRGIN AMONGST US WHAT

 

 **i’m 4’11:** is that even Possible

 

 **virgin:** at least i don’t use porn to fill the gaping hole :/

 

 **the porn stash on my computer is titled ‘Illegal TV Show Downloads’:** CLOSE YOUR LIPS SHUT YOUR TONGUE

 

 **lost track of how many times i’ve clogged the dorm toilets and blamed it on kangin:** all you’re doing is telling him to shut up do you rlly have to make fun of me in the process

 

 **i’m 4’11:** we’ve had worse english lyrics it’s ok

 

 **The Mastermind:** He’s not Superman. He must be mamaboy. :)

 

 **i’m 4’11:** i know ur quoting super girl but damn is that a good representation of what we’re doing right now

 

 **virgin:** i’m gonna cry

 

**(6:07 pm.) red velvet voice who that who that who that boy**

 

 **once jacked off to snsd mvs:** ok but the real question is… who is ‘i’m 4’11’

 

 **i’m the one who stole your underwear all those years ago leeteuk i’m so sorry:** ryeowook

 

 **the porn stash on my computer is titled ‘Illegal TV Show Downloads’:** ryeowook

 

 **i’ve legitimately considered hooking up with a fan:** ryeowook

 

 **lost track of how many times i’ve clogged the dorm toilets and blamed it on kangin:** ryeowook

 

 **sword art online fan:** ryeowook

 

 **virgin:** ryeowook

 

 **still wears shoelifts to bed:** probably ryeowook

 

 **i once had a wet dream abt eunsihae:** seriously who would it be other than ryeowook

 

 **i’m 4’11:** i will FIND you guys


	5. return of the little prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took rlly long bc school kept me busy and i think these chapters just keep gettin worse & worse but whatever  
> comments bring good karma uwu

**(12:01 pm.) The Mastermind has retired**

 

 **i’m the one who stole your underwear all those years ago leeteuk i’m so sorry:** FUCK literally everyone changed their name back except me holyshtufjdks

 

[ **i’m the one who stole your underwear all those years ago leeteuk i’m so sorry** has changed their name to **the #1 vocalist of the group** ]

 

 **gamekyu:** lmao that’s me wyd yesung

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** I KNEW IT WAS YOU YESUNG

 

 **the #1 vocalist of the group:** WAIT NO I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE HERE

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** DO YOU KNOW FOR HOW LONG I WAS SEARCHING FOR THAT UNDERWEAR

 

 **the #1 vocalist of the group:** IT’S LITERALLY UNDERWEAR TEUK IT WAS LIKE SIX YEARS AGO SHUT UP

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** IT WAS SAO UNDERWEAR I DON’T WANT PEOPLE SEEING THAT

 

 **gamekyu:** i’m sorry what

 

 **the #1 vocalist of the group:** WELL I GUESS THE WHOLE GROUP KNOWS YOU USED TO HAVE ASUNA’S FACE ON YOUR CROTCH

 

 **gamekyu:** is this…. are we not kidding is this legit

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** NO

 

 **the #1 vocalist of the group:** YES IT IS

 

 **gamekyu:** eh

 

 **gamekyu:** whatever i mean nothing beats eunhyuk’s porn stash anyway right

 

[ **gamekyu** has changed **the #1 vocalist of the group** ’s name to **egg** ]

 

 **egg:** … why

 

 **gamekyu:** anything that isn’t your last one is fine ok

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** my life is over

 

 **rye bread:** HI GUYS

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** ryeowook can you pls tell yesung to leave me alone

 

 **rye bread:** I HAVE SOMETHING MORE IMPORTATN AND I NEED Y’ALL TO HELP ME OUT ALRIGHT

 

 **rye bread:** i’m coming out with a new solo album :D

 

 **egg:** wow so you just wanna work without us huh

 

 **gamekyu:** when was the last time kry had a comeback you selfish bitch

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** y’all can’t we be nice to each other for once

 

[ **rye bread** has left the chat ]

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** YOU GET BaCK HERE YOU PIECE OF TRAShH BREAKING THE RULSES

 

**(1:21 pm.) The Mastermind has retired**

 

[ **the most handsome member of the group** has added **rye bread** to the chat ]

 

 **rye bread:** why the hell is that your name siwon

 

 **the most handsome member of the group:** congrats on starting a solo album :D i will support you :D

 

 **rye bread:** gross fuck off

 

 **the most handsome member of the group:** you said you needed help and i’m pretty sure i’m the only one willing to give any

 

 **the most handsome member of the group:** so y’know ;)

 

 **rye bread:** .

 

[ **rye bread** has changed **the most handsome member of the group** ’s name to **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky** ]

 

 **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky:** oh don’t be like that ;’)

 

 **rye bread:** ……………

 

 **rye bread:** well i have 0 ideas for a title track

 

 **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky:** ballad

 

 **rye bread:** no shit sherlock

 

 **rye bread:** i need a concept,,, last time i did the little prince so like??? i should prolly keep the book trend going??? what’s a classic book i can base this one off of

 

 **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky:** the Bible

 

 **rye bread:** yeah i shouldn’t have said anything

 

**(1:40 pm.) The Mastermind has retired**

 

 **east sea:** HEYYY I READ BOOKS A LOT I CAN HELP RYEOWOOKIE :D

 

 **rye bread:** finally someone i can TRUST

 

 **sungmin:** i’m here too btw

 

 **rye bread:** ah yes the most trustworthy member of our group

 

 **rye bread:** ok so??? it doesn’t even have to be romance just smth you think everyone would know,,, not a korean book obvs

 

 **east sea:** ROMEO  & JULIET

 

 **rye bread:** ,,,

 

 **rye bread:** donghae i know you’ve been reading that nonstop for the past year but maybe something that hasn’t been done before

 

 **east sea:** hmm………

 

 **sungmin:** i mean, you’re not just looking for ANY classic, you must have something in mind or you would’ve chosen something random by now

 

 **rye bread:** no i have nothing in mind i just need a rec so i don’t feel dumb

 

 **sungmin:** um

 

 **sungmin:** pride and prejudice?

 

 **rye bread:** no

 

 **sungmin:** …. 1984?

 

 **rye bread:** too Serious

 

 **sungmin:** ……… dead souls?????

 

 **rye bread:** what the hell is that

 

 **sungmin:** sjdhdhdakjsh dude i think you need an idea of what to do before you choose anything y’know

 

 **east sea:** I GOT IT

 

 **rye bread:** what what is it

 

 **east sea:** ROMEO  & JULIET EXCEPT THEY DON’T DIE AT THE END

 

 **rye bread:** DONGHAE I’M NOT DOING ROMEO  & JULIET

 

**(3:04 pm.) The Mastermind has retired**

 

 **cinderella:** oh, ryeowook. tsk, tsk. i should’ve been the FIRST person you referred to for assistance.

 

 **rye bread:** i don’t think i can trust you after that weird chat name crap you pulled the other day

 

 **cinderella:** no but rlly i’m being serious i have a good book you could base it off of

 

 **rye bread:** … i’m listening

 

 **cinderella:** i’m not joking ok why does everyone disregard me when i try to be serious for once it like actually bothers me sometimes

 

 **rye bread:** i’M LISTENING

 

 **cinderella:** listen i’m crazy and i joke around all the time but sometimes i can be serious alright i really do care about you guys not everything i say is a joke so please just listen to this ok

 

 **rye bread:** JUST SAY IT ALREADY I GOT IT HEECHUL I SAID I’M LISTENING

 

 **cinderella:** fifty shades of grey

 

[ **rye bread** has left the chat ]

 

 **cinderella:** damn at least i’m Trying to abide by the rules today

 

**(4:37 pm.) The Mastermind has retired**

 

 **kangin:** ryeowook lemme help since everyone’s being a dick

 

[ **rye bread** has changed **kangin** ’s name to **drunk driver** ]

 

[ **gamekyu** has changed **kangin** ’s name to **drunk driver!** ]

 

 **drunk driver!:** AGAIN

 

 **drunk driver!:** i JUST SAID I’D HELP YOU TOO WTF

 

 **gamekyu:** ahahahaha

 

 **drunk driver!:** stop that right now

 

 **rye bread:** i’m srry ily yeah do help me

 

 **drunk driver!:** so since y’all balladeers are so obsessed with romance for some reason i do think a romance novel would be fitting even tho the little prince wasn’t one ok ok

 

 **drunk driver!:** look @ me being all serious yea i’m gonna help i’M GONNA HELp

 

 **rye bread:** um

 

 **gamekyu:** maybe say that after you’ve helped

 

 **drunk driver!:** so uhhh i’m just looking thru lists of classics?????? how about the diary of a young girl

 

 **rye bread:** isn’t that anne frank

 

 **gamekyu:** that’s not a romance novel you idiot

 

 **drunk driver!:** oh shoot

 

 **drunk driver!:** well hold on there’s tons more

 

 **drunk driver!:** uhhh how about moby dick

 

 **rye bread:** i

 

 **gamekyu:** that’s not romance either what the hell is wrong with you

 

 **drunk driver!:** ??? how am i supposed to tell if they’re romance this literally has ‘dick’ in the title and it’s not romance

 

 **rye bread:** OH MY GOD THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS

 

 **gamekyu:** FUKCJVFHDS

 

 **drunk driver!:** WHAT ELSE WOUDL IT MEAN

 

 **drunk driver!:** shut up i’m like actually trying to help ok let me find something that’s actually romance

 

 **drunk driver!:** hold up i’ll look under the romance genre okay

 

 **rye bread:** that’s what you should’ve been doing from the start

 

 **rye bread:** thank you tho kangin sdjhsakdshk i appreciate it since literally nobody else is helping

 

 **rye bread:** cough cough kyuhyun cough cough and everyone else cough

 

 **gamekyu:** what sorry i can’t hear you over the sound of Dorothy playing thru my headphones

 

 **rye bread:** yOU’RE READING TEXTS

 

 **drunk driver!:** WAIT I FOUND A CLASSIC THAT’S ROMANCE

 

 **rye bread:** OH FINALLY

 

 **rye bread:** ily kangin i don’t say it enough what is it

 

 **gamekyu:** took you long enough smh

 

 **rye bread:** at least he found one jesus christ

 

 **rye bread:** alright kangin what’s the book

 

 **gamekyu:** .

 

 **gamekyu:** kangin yo

 

 **rye bread:** kangin,,,, are you gonna tell us what the book is

 

 **kangin:** soRRY it’s lolita by vladimir nabokov

 

 **rye bread:** WHAT

 

 **gamekyu:** HOLYHSHIT I JSUR SPI T ON MY SSCREEN

 

 **drunk driver!:** WHAT IT’S A CLASSIC ROMANCE NOVEL

 

 **rye bread:** KANGINNN OHM YGOD

 

 **gamekyu:** KANGIN THAT’S A BOOK ABOUT A PEDOPHILE

 

 **drunk driver!:** WAIT WHAT

 

**(5:19 pm.) The Mastermind has retired**

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** you know what i think, ryeowook? you should write abt hard times by charles dickens. it’s about divorce. and he’s a classic author.

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** then, feature seo janghoon and eun jiwon and every other divorced man you know

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** and shindong, since he basically almost got married so the breakup may as well have been a divorce :)

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** and sungmin because the fans still seem to really want him to divorce his wife and this might make them happy for a while

 

 **rye bread:** are you eunhyuk what the hell

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** yeah long story yesung changed my name

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** that wasn’t a long story

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** anyway my advice is good right w/all those famous people featured in your song it’s bound to be a hit

 

 **rye bread:** i don’t think you have the right to joke about other people’s marriages

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** why huh

 

 **rye bread:** want to hear a joke

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** ….. sure?

 

 **rye bread:** pussy.

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** ???

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** i don’t get it

 

 **rye bread:** i know you don’t :)

 

**jang woohyuk from tvxq: .**

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** LISTEN MY OWN SHITTY LOVE LIFE IS ALL THE MORE REASON TO MAKE FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE’S LOVE LIVES

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** AND JUST BECAUSE I’M UGLY SDOESN’T MEAN I DON’TT FUCKIGN GET PUSSY

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** GET BACK HERE YOU CUNT

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** RYEOWOOK WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** CAN YOU STOP YOU HAVE SO MUCH MONEY TO PUT IN THE JAR RIGHT NOW

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** LEETEUK DO I REALLY NOT GET PUSSY

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** NO VULGARITY!!!!!!

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** SHUT UP SHUT UPPP I HATE THIS GROUP

 

**(6:44 pm.) The Mastermind has retired**

 

 **shindong:** i feel bad for laughing at ryeowook’s dilemma

 

 **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky:** wow you’re such a jerk i’ve been trying to support him you know :D

 

 **shindong:** yeah sure we’ll go with that

 

 **rye bread:** UGH I JUST ENED A BOOK THAT ISN’T TOO WEIRD TO USE FOR A ROMANCE LIKE CRIME AND PUNISHMENT AND ISN’T TOO CLICHE TO USE LIKE ALICE IN WONDERLAND

 

 **rye bread:** ugh shindong please help me you’re my only hope left

 

 **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky:** what about me ;(

 

 **shindong:** tbh i think the book you should use is right in front of your eyes

 

 **rye bread:** wym

 

 **shindong:** *i gesture to siwon’s name*

 

 **rye bread:** ah.

 

 **rye bread:** i am honestly THIS close to actually listening to you

 

 **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky:** hey but if i’m The Idiot and ryeowook makes a song about The Idiot isn’t he basically making a song about me

 

 **rye bread:** never mind.

 

**(8:04 pm.) The Mastermind has retired**

  
**egg:** so like why did nobody suggest twilight


	6. ryeowook's comeback?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> srry for the uber late update y'all, it's been over a month yes i know. school's been keeping me busy and i may or may not have forgotten this fic existed numerous times.  
> worry not, however, i have returned. i'll update more consistently now, i promise. (sj r my ults pls have faith in me)

**(12:01 pm.) The Mastermind has returned**

 

 **[ gamekyu** has changed the chat name to **RYEOWOOK COMEBACK ]**

 

 **egg:** ryeowook made his comeback????

 

 **gamekyu:**  fucksdkjfhs no

 

 **[ gamekyu** has changed the chat name to **rYEOWOOK COME BACKC ]**

 

 **egg:** .

 

 **egg:** what did you do

 

 **gamekyu:** well leeteuk threw a fit earlier today and ryeowook’s the only one who had the balls to Leave The Chat to show leeteuk how dumb he is

 

 **egg:** what happened w leeteuk..

 

 **[ cinderella** has attached an image **]**

 

 **cinderella:** shindong and i say hello from the knowing bros set AGAIN

 

 **gamekyu:** you take the ugliest selfies

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** IF HECHUIL SAYS ONRE MORE TIME SHINDONG IS A BETTER HOST

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** IM THROWIGN

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** HAND

 

 **[ teukie teukie leeteuk** has attached an image **]**

 

 **egg:** is that really what’s happening right now... teuk is angry heechul said shindong's a better host.......

 

 **cinderella:** gross teuk we don’t wanna see your hand nudes

 

 **gamekyu:** why are you sending that when we all know heechul would be into fisting

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** JAR JAR JARJRRR

 

 **gamekyu:** WHAT’D I DO

 

 **[ egg** has left the chat **]**

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** MY FAMILY’S GOING LEFT ANDMR IGHT BREAKING RULES AND HERE I AM

 

**(1:39 pm.) rYEOWOOK COME BACKC**

 

 **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky:** how typical it is for leeteuk to overreact just because heechul said shindong is a great host

 

 **rye bread:** for once i agree with you

 

 **rye bread:** FUCK I DIDN’T MEAN TO SEND THAT

 

 **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky:** .

 

 **rye bread:** do me a favor, horse, and don’t tell leeteuk you heard from me here

 

 **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky:** one, i couldn’t have heard anything. two, i can’t believe i was a good enough reason for you to come out from the shadows you so desperately wanted to hide within uwu

 

 **rye bread:** you’re rlly out here using uwu as if capitalizing god thru texts wasn’t dumb enough

 

 **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky:** ATTENTION @TEUKIE TEUKIE LEETEUK A WILD RYEOWOOK HAS BEEN SPOTTED

 

 **rye bread:** NO STOP

 

**(2:01 pm.) rYEOWOOK COME BACKC**

 

 **sungmin:** i don’t understand why people don’t just have civil conversations about these things. aren’t both Leeteuk and Shindong really good hosts?

 

 **east sea:** ok sungmin scaring me a little with the subtle grammar there

 

 **sungmin:** no, really. can’t we be serious for a moment? our leader is actually losing it and Kyuhyun is out here making jokes about FISTING

 

 **east sea:** good point but i mean the point is there idk what else to talk about like yes they are both good hosts.... leeteuk is overreacting.. sungmin is ruining the very culture surrounding group chats..... and???????

 

 **sungmin:** well, why don’t we just both leave really nice things about both of their hosting so that they come back and be happy and make up and maybe Heechul lives?

 

 **east sea:** OOOO SMART WE CAN BE LIKE. THE GOOD GUYS

 

 **sungmin:** Donghae.

 

 **east sea:** i’m srry ok anyway

 

 **east sea:** how abt i talk abt leeteuk and you talk abt shindong ok

 

 **sungmin:** okay. you can go first, we all know leeteuk needs it more. he’s the crazy one.

 

 **east sea:** i thought we were saying nice things

 

 **sungmin:** ..

 

 **sungmin:** Just go.

 

 **east sea:** GGOT IT GOT IT um ok so

 

 **east sea:** leeteuk is a rlly good host bc he learned from the greatest, kang hodong himself

 

 **sungmin:** but Shindong is also a really good host because he’s always enthusiastic and makes sure to deliver the right tone to his audience.

 

 **east sea:** yeah well leeteuk is over the TOP enthusiastic and that’s even better

 

 **sungmin:** uh.

 

 **sungmin:** anyway... Shindong is also really good at reading out his script. he doesn’t try to do anything dumb to ruin the hosts’ plans.

 

 **east sea:** WELL WELL LEETEUK does a lot of weird dumb gags and stuff that deviate from the script and could potentially ruin the hosts’ plans BUT THEY’RE FUNNY AND ADD TO HIS PLAYFUL CHARACTER

 

 **sungmin:** what are you—

 

 **sungmin:** oh, whatever

 

 **sungmin:** I hosted Hello Chat with Shindong before and he did a spectacular job guiding me, given that I didn’t have a lot of hosting experience besides Kiss the Radio.

 

 **east sea:** LEETEUK TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE FUNNY SHINDONG IS NOTHING COMAPRED TO HIM AT LEAST LEETEUK MAKES PEOPLE LAUGH AND HAS THE HUGE DIMPLE AND STUFF EVERYONE LOVES HIS HOSTING HONESTLY

 

 **sungmin:** ... Donghae, this isn’t a CONTEST. we’re working together.

 

 **east sea:** I’M HEATED NOW THIS IS YOUR FAULT SUNGMIN AND I ALSO THOUGHT IF I YELLED ENOUGH YOU’D START YELLING TOO

 

 **sungmin:** what is wrong with you???? is nobody in this group sane??

 

 **sungmin:** I would leave the chat but it’s breaking the rules oh god

 

 **east sea:** WHY ARE YOU SUHC A GOODY GOODY SUNGMIN ALL THE DRAMA IN THIS GROUP IS HILARIOUSS LIKE REMEMBER WHEN LEETEUK CHOKED EUNHYUK I MEAN EUNHYUK’S MY BRO BUT YOU DON’T SEE ME COMPLAINING

 

 **sungmin:** would you look at that? saeun’s calling me! I better go.

 

 **east sea:** spoilsport  >:(

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** really, man? you think leeteuk choking me was funny?

 

 **east sea:** oh

 

 **east sea:** i’m sorry you know i was uh joking obviously

 

 **east sea:** hahahjfd um

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** NAH BRO I THINK IT WAS HILARIOUS TOO LIKE JESUS I MUST BE JUST THAT SKINNY IF HE WENT FOR ME

 

**(3:27 pm.) rYEOWOOK COME BACKC**

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** i’m so sorry kim heechul my prince i didn’t mean to get so mad at you

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** of course i’m not as good of a host as shindong man nobody could be as good of a host as shindong i’m just pathetic i’m just your pathetic little ruffian

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** th-that sounded kinkier in my head i’m sorry O///O

 

 **shindong:** what am i coming back to the knowing bros filming just ended

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** oh welcome back mr. the best host in the world who i’d go down on

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** OOPS i’m supposed to be loyal to princess heechul

 

 **shindong:** what the fuck

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** what can i do to atone for my sins shindong-seonsaengnim umu

 

 **shindong:** you didn’t yell “JAR” so heechul give leeteuk his phone back jeez

 

 **cinderella:** that’S NOT ME

 

 **shindong:** OF COURSE IT’S YOU, WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE

 

 **cinderella:** I DON’T KNOW BELIEVE ME THAT’S SOMETHING I WOULD DO BUT THE FIRST THING I’D SAY IS “HEECHUL IS PRETTIER THAN AOA”

 

 **shindong:** good point but i

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** oh thank god both of my masters are here~ pwease forgive me both of you *TT dance*

 

 **cinderella:** OH MYG FOD

 

 **shindong:** BYE

 

 **[ shindong** has left the chat **]**

 

 **cinderella:** WHO IS BEHIND THIS I HAVE TO GIVE THEM AN AWARD

 

 **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky:** I cannot help but walk in on this moment of sinfulness. To think our noblest, most righteous, best at hosting member, Park Jungsoo, would go down this abominable road is unthinkable. "And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed." [Corinthians, 12:21]

 

 **gamekyu:** I HEARD KING JAMES VERSION

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** oh no flower boy choi siwon please punish me for i have sinned  >_<

 

 **cinderella:** DAMN IT I THOUGHT IT WAS KYUHYUN BEHIND THE SCREEN BUT IT TURNS OUT IT’S NOT HIM EITHER

 

 **gamekyu:** shut up so we can let the guy go off and screenshot it for later you idiot

 

 **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky:** I cannot let you do that.

 

 **gamekyu:** yeah okay Jesus

 

 **[ gamekyu** has removed **The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky** from the chat **]**

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** i’m just so ready for punishment i can’t believe i thought i was the superior host.. i’ve been NAUGHTY

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** ALSO I’VE ALWAYS WANTED A THREESOME

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** WITH SEXY, FREE  & SINGLE PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** HEECHUL SHINDONG PLS TEACH ME A LESSON

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** ooh ooh and!

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** I WAS IN THE WRONG DURING THE INCHEON FIGHT

 

 **cinderella:** HOLY SHIT

 

 **gamekyu:** SHUT UP HEECHUL

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** IT WAS ALL MY FAULT I GOT MAD AT HEECHUL THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT HAPPENED WAS HEECHUL SAW ME SHIRTLESS

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** and ummm

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** I SHOULDN’T HAVE CHOKED EUNHYUK I SHOULD HAVE SAVED THAT FOR HEECHUL I AM SO SORRY

 

 **jang woohyuk from tvxq:** waht the HELL DID I JUST WALK INTO

 

 **cinderella:** screenshotted :)

 

 **gamekyu:** nobody has to know it wasn’t him

 

 **cinderella:** who IS that, though

 

**(6:55 pm.) rYEOWOOK COME BACKC**

 

 **drunk driver!:** it was me

 

 **cinderella:** WELL DONE, KANGIN. WELL DONE.

 

 **drunk driver!:** so we’re just gonna ignore the fact that i wasn’t trying to impersonate leeteuk and i was actually just so drunk that i decided to pretend i wanted an orgy with the members and also so drunk that i somehow ended up using leeteuk’s phone instead of my own

 

 **cinderella:** what

 

 **drunk driver!:** what

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** what

 

 **drunk driver!:** I’M KIDDING HAHA GOT Y’ALL GOOD

 

 **cinderella:** JEEZ YOU HAD ME WORRIED ABOUT YOU FOR A SEC HA

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT

 

 **drunk driver!:** DON’T WORRY WE ALL KNOW I’VE LEARNED FROM MY NUMEROUS DUIS

 

 **rye bread:** have you? really?

 

 **teukie teukie leeteuk:** RYEO

 

 **rye bread:** CRPA

 

 **rye bread:** NOT ME JUST KANGIN USING MY PHONME HAHA

  
**drunk driver!:** i’m literally right here


End file.
